My days are filled with beautiful dreams and ambitions for a perfect future. I have gone back to my daily ritual of exploring the Oxford website and I derive the greatest pleasure in talking to somebody about my blog or about the different schools I have applied to.
I forever think of the place. I even prepared a presentation the other day regarding my plans for when I am there: which student societies I will be a part of, which volunteering activities I will enroll myself in, what will be my syllabus, the exams I have to attend and my weekly study schedule. I have become so bewitched by Oxford, that in slam books, I filled out my residence as 2019-2021 in Oxford.
But, in the midst of all this, I tell myself now and then that I am expecting too much. I give myself a reality check by telling my mind that all this might well be just a bizarre dream which afforded me many happy hours. After all, very great expectations may lead to great disappointments.
Even if I say so, the people around me, especially my parents, family and friends, think it is a plausible occurrence. They believe in my capabilities more than myself. They don’t dismiss it as some teenage fantasy of mine. To have people who will support me in every endeavor of mine, who are truly confident of my abilities, around me is my biggest motivation.
I don’t know, but there is a small voice inside me, in spite of all my doubts, telling me that I might have a chance, however small, to get there. I think of how great an opportunity it will prove to be, if at all I get the chance. I believe this is the reason why I still go back to the website, knowing that it all might be a farfetched dream.
I have imagined my exact reaction when my place at Oxford is confirmed. It is like this: I will get the news when I am coming back from my grandmother’s house along with my grandparents, and after coming home, I will bolt the door, close all the windows, and scream with joy. But I know, when it actually happens, my reaction will belittle all of this.
There are still twelve days for my 10th boards, and the other day, I was struck by the realization of how fast time was flying. In just two years, I will be at Oxford or Delhi. I have grown up, but I know very little about many practical things. I panicked suddenly that I didn’t know anything, and my mother comforted me, saying that she will help me out.
I only have little time left to spend with my mother, before I pack off to Oxford or Delhi or wherever my future beckons me. And moreover, I can’t spend at least the next one year with her, due to the fact that only some schools offer the subjects I want. So, I told her that we must hug each more often, whenever there is still time to.
One other thing. I am inspired to write because of the appreciation and support I get from all of you who spare time to read a 15-year old’s musings. I want to become a writer, but it is not an easy task, and the encouragement keeps me going. Thank you.